Is this a dirty picture that will incite lust in a pedophile?Would I really want to have sex with little boys and teenage girls and men and lesbians and a dog?

My online attacker, who uses multiple fake names including "Mike Josephs" and "Jonah Ark," wants people to believe that I put "half-naked images of children on the homepage" of one of my websites.

At the left is the photo he refers to. As you can see, the children are wearing modest bathing suits and are standing in a swimming pool.

The dog standing with them, however, is completely naked.

According to "Mike," a book I wrote "contains a disturbing account of bestial obscenity which contexts [sic] anal sex and sodomizing a dog called Hunter with a vibrating dildo."

That's my dog, Hunter, in the picture. I love him -- but not that way.

"Mike" also write that I contemplated sex with a "horny heterosexual male and lesbians."
 
So, here's the official tally of my lust objects: little boys, teenage girls, a heterosexual male, lesbians, and a Golden Retriever. What's next: a parakeet, a trout, or the tailpipe of a Honda Civic? Apparently no orifice is safe from me. Grand Canyon, watch out! 
 
I've also been accused of "grooming" children online for future sexual encounters, downloading child porn, and trying to attract other pedophiles.

My neighbors have been warned and the cops are watching my house. If you have a sexy parakeet or Honda, guard them carefully. A hot gerbil or lobster could be in jeopardy, too.

Have a good weekend. I won't.