Meet Alice. She wouldn't recognize the truth if it bit her nose

Sweet amateur detective "Alice Clark" wrote, "We've confirmed that Michael N. Marcus has a conviction for sexually abusing a young boy 15 years ago, but does anyone have any more info on his police cautions for downloading child porn?"

She managed to insert a period after my middle initial, so she may actually be a disciple of the lead liar, instead of the liar himself.

Of course, there's no information on Alice's Facebook page because she does not exist.

I'm being attacked by an army of phantoms. Not very scary

Meet Harry. He thinks I may beat my wife as well as rape litle boys

"Harry James," an apparent solid citizen, says, "We as Americans need to act. Congress is going to have to start taking this problem seriously, there are TOO MAY UNREGISTERED PEDOPHILES LIKE MICHAEL MARCUS falling off radar. You can't get much more serious that child rape. He's registered in California as a pedophile and convicted sexual offender with a forensic history as long as my arm. Is he a wife beater as well? When are we going to wake up to the dangers of letting these pedophiles out of jail and back onto the streets!!!??! "

Of course, there's no information on Harry's Facebook page because he does not exist.

I'm being attacked by an army of phantoms. Not very scary

Meet Melinda. She wants my balls cut off.

"Melinda Tufnell" signed a petition on Facebook directed to the governor of Connecticut, asking to have me put on the state's registry of sex offenders.

This sweet lady wrote, "Pedophile Michael N Marcus is another depraved, nasty deformity who has a registered history of disturbing child sex offences and sick pedophilia convictions, parading as an "upstanding pillar" of the community. This case exemplifies exactly why Obama needs to enact a complete overhaul of the child protection regulations in our country starting at the federal level with a focus on data handling of registered pedophiles, rapists and sex pests across the States. Castrate this sick hairy freak and put it in a cage where it belongs. I'm tweeting this to my colleagues."

Interestingly, "Melinda" omits the period after my middle initial, and types "offences" instead of "offenses" -- just like the lying creep who is in charge of the campaign against me.

Of course there is no information on Melissa's Facebook page -- because she does not exist.

I'm being attacked by an army of phantoms. Not very scary.

Can rape be funny?

Rape is a horrible, horrible crime that can cause lifelong emotional and physical damage. Some victims have said that rape is worse than death.

In some places, rape victims are ostracized or even killed.

Some rapists are killed, castrated, imprisoned, isolated and ostracized.

Some completely innocent people unjustly accused of being rapists have been killed, castrated, imprisoned, isolated and ostracized.

• My wacko online atacker originally accused me of raping a four-year-old boy, being imprisoned for my alleged crime, and being put on a list of sex offenders in California.
• My wacko online attacker set up two online petitions to have me put on a list of sex offenders in Connecticut where I live. (I've never lived in or been in prison in California, and have never been in prison anywhere.) Julie Goldman of Chesterfield, MO believed the bullshit about me, signed a petition and said that I should be killed!
• My wacko online attacker also lied that I raped a 15-year-old girl, and boasted about it in my "sick pedophilia book to fellow child molesters..."
• My wacko online attacker also lied that "convicted child rapist Michael N. Marcus is likely involved in a Pedophile ring that is being investigated by the FBI sex offenders crime team. Local parents in Milford, Connecticut should contact schools and local authorities to ensure they protect all children from this evil and dangerous predator and child rapist, Michael N Marcus."
• My wacko online attacker also lied that "IF MARCUS HAS ATTEMPTED TO GROOM YOUR CHILD THROUGH JOINING A WOMEN'S SOCIAL NETWORK YOU NEED TO CONTACT YOUR LOCAL AUTHORITIES. DO NOT GIVE ANY INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR CHILD OR FAMILY TO MICHAEL N MARCUS WHO RAPED A YOUNG BOY IN CALIFORNIA AND IS KNOWN TO GROOM CHILDREN ONLINE."
• My wacko online attacker also lied that my "book contains a disturbing account of bestial obscenity which contexts [sic] anal sex and sodomizing a dog called "Hunter" with a vibrating dildo." Now, that's a little funny.

Even I got scammed. The wacky SOB lied about my books being banned by Amazon

Two of my books being sold by Amazon.com are about telecommunications, two are about publishing, two are humorous memoirs. None of them include pedophilia, bestiality or rape.

For a while on Tuesday it seemed that my books were banned by Amazon because of complaints by a lying lunatic; but along with others authors I was a victim of a computer glitch which made books temporarly unavailable.

No credit goes to the nutjob who claimed "Amazon.com removes Pedophile Michael N. Marcus's sick pedophilia book that boasts about raping a 15 year old girl.  In a victory for children's rights campaigners across America today, Amazon.com has removed all material relating to Pedophile Michael N. Marcus from their websites.

Milford pedophile Michael N Marcus was boasting about how he had underage sex with a 15 year old minor, and "contemplated sex with another 15 year old girl" in the editorial review he wrote on Amazon.com to advertise his sick pedophilia book to fellow child molesters browsing the Amazon shopping site.

In a disturbing admission, Marcus also guarantees his readers in his editorial review on Amazon, that his sex crimes are "at least 80% true". Legally, sex with minors is regarded as STATUTORY RAPE in the State of Connecticut. Latest update is that convicted child rapist Michael N. Marcus is likely involved in a Pedophile ring that is being investigated by the FBI sex offenders crime team. Local parents in Milford, Connecticut should contact schools and local authorities to ensure they protect all children from this evil and dangerous predator and child rapist, Michael N Marcus.

- Join our Facebook Petition to Connecticut Governor M. Jodi Rell requesting that the case of convicted Pedophile Michael N Marcus be considered for emergency review."

Now I've been accused with raping my dog with a dildo.

My online tormentor took a few days off. He apparently spent some time studying my 2010 book, not just my 2008 book, and he came out from under his rock today with some amazing phony reports:

Retailer Amazon.com was today under fire from children's rights groups and child protection advocates BULLSHIT for publishing and distributing the work of convicted pedophile BULLSHIT, Michael N Marcus (pictured) which contains graphic references BULLSHIT to underage sex with a 15-year-old minor, and a disturbing account of bestial obscenity BULLSHIT which contexts anal sex and sodomizing a dog called "Hunter" with a vibrating dildo. BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT

"Stories I'd tell my children", by Pedophile BULLSHIT Michael N Marcus (ISBN 978-0981661759), is available to buy for $14.35 on Amazon.com. Marcus was convicted of the rape and molestation BULLSHIT of a young boy BULLSHIT in California BULLSHIT but now lives in Milford, CT.

Amazon.com were not immediately available for comment. AND THEY PROBABLY WON'T COMMENT IN THE FUTURE

Connecticut Police said yesterday BULLSHIT they are investigating why the Pedophile is NOT on the child sex offenders registry in CT and have warned neighbors and local residents to stay calm and avoid Marcus BULLSHIT, who was also a suspect in a domestic violence and DUI case BULLSHIT dating back to December 1999 when his spouse was hospitalized with unexplained second-degree cigarette burns related injuries. BULLSHIT (AND I DON'T SMOKE CIGARETTES)

According to a local source familiar with the case BULLSHIT, the registered CA pedophile BULLSHIT who is also an alumnus of LeHigh (Actually it's Lehigh) University, was questioned in March 2004 for downloading child pornography BULLSHIT but charges were later dropped due to lack of evidence. BULLSHIT -- NO EVIDENCE, NO ARREST, NO DROP, NO NUTHIN'

Some major good news, and annoying bad news.

YIPPEE! Change.org has removed the petition against me that had accumulated 26 names of people who hate me.

UH-OH! Google has preserved the page and a cache should be available for a few thousand years.

Amy Rogers now believes me. I thank her very much.

Amy  Rogers signed a petition against me, but now realizes that she was scammed by my online attacker. Amy has asked that her name be removed from the petition, and has apologized to me.

I thank her, and hope this is the first of many reversals of opinion.

• It's a shame that our precious right to free speech can cause so much harm.
• Some people will believe anything they see online or in print, and support causes that sound good without any effort to verify the facts.
• Evil people succeed when good people believe them.

Progress Report (Day #5)

Facebook removed the phony petition against me. GOOD

I lost one Facebook friend. BAD

I lost only one Facebook friend. GOOD

No one who knows me believes the baloney. GOOD

SheWrites removed the phony posting against me. GOOD

SheWrites expelled the phony "Caroline Harris." GOOD

The FBI said that no Federal crime occurred and can't help me. BAD

Change.org said the phony petition against me was removed Sunday night -- but it wasn't and more people have signed it. BAD

Two people who signed the Change.org petition realize that they were deceived and apologized to me. GOOD

Tyge wrote a very supportive blog post on The Neon Lounge. GOOD

Yahoo has still not responded to my request to remove the phony posting from MyBlogLog.com. BAD

Blogger.com has still not responded to my request to remove the phony blog. BAD

No new phony postings or websites have appeared since Saturday. GOOD

I have received a lot of support from friends and family. GOOD

I was so busy dealing with this crap that I could not go to work yesterday or promote my new book. BAD

My wife and dog still love me. GOOD

Julie Goldman of Chesterfield, MO wants me dead

Julie signed the petition against me on Change.org and wrote: "These type of human beings should be killed the minute they are found out."

Dear Julie: Did you ever think that maybe the petition you signed has no basis in fact, and by signing it you could hurt innocent people?

Meet some of the fine folks who may get me killed

(left-click to enlarge)

These people believe the bullshit published about me on change.org, and signed a petiton to "Get Convicted Pedophile Michael N Marcus put on Connecticut Sex Offences Register."

The petition is addressed to my governor, M. Jodi Rell, and says "Michael N Marcus is a Registered Child Molester, Sex Offender and Pedophile. He is currently living in the Milford Area of Connecticut, with schools and kindergardens within a 50 mile radius of his house."

While it is true that there are a great many schools within 50 miles of my home, I am absolutely NOT a child molester.

None of the public-spirited do-gooders shown above know anything about me, or made any effort to verify the facts before signing the petition, or to consider the possibility that someone might read the petition that they supported and KILL ME.

WOW. More good news. I'm feeling a bit better.

(left-click to enlarge image)

I just saw a wonderfully supportive blog post by Tyge on The Neon Lounge. I've never met Tyge, but apparently he has been reading my bookmaking blog, and has learned to believe me and trust me.

While it's nice to have support from friends and relatives, it's even nicer to have support from strangers.

Ultimately we are all members of the same organization -- The League of Potential Victims.

I've previouslyy written that "anyone can sue anyone for anything." If you can afford the cost of a lawyer, or the filing fee for a "pro-se" suit, then truth, justice and legitimacy are simply not considerations before attacking someone in court.

With websites claiming to be neutral "common carriers," with no perceived need to verify the content they publish or to consider the ramifications of publication, now anyone can say anything about anyone, and possibly reach millions!

I am certainly a supporter of free speech and freedom-of-the-press. It's ironic that the freedoms that have greatly benefited me, can also kick me in the ass.

As long as I don't get murdered by some crazed citizen whose emotions are stirred up by the still-unknown scamster, I can live with a bruised behind. It's better than sacrificing free speech.

HOWEVER, I do wish that the folks who publish websites with "open admission" would be a bit more careful about whom they allow to use their facilities.

Thanks again, Tyge.

HURRAY! Some good news for a change

When I arrived at my PC a few minutes ago to once again check Google for reports about my phony criminal past, I was saddened to see that there were now TWO LINKS -- not just one -- to items on SheWrites.com.

However, when I clicked on the links, I was relieved to reach "page was not found" notices. Apparently my plea to the ladies who run the website was listened-to and believed.

And, as a sweet glob of whipped cream on my ice cream, I see that the bogus "Caroline Harris" who manipulated SheWrites to publish the slander, is no longer listed as a member.

THANK YOU, MY SISTERS!

I hope that the other websites that were similarly abused will be similarly cooperative.

I can't help having a cynical smile at the website's automated notice that says. "OUR APOLOGIES" because the offensive and untrue pages are no longer available. It would be nice if I got an apology.

I hate this crap

It's now the beginning of day-four of the siege. I hate my new life. Every few hours I use Google and Bing to search for Michael Marcus plus "pedophile" and "molester" to detect new little fires to be squirted at before they become raging conflagrations that can embarrass my family and damage my business.

As I've searched for myself and phony news, I've encountered links to "Michael Jackson" and "molester," and Dallas Cowboy "Marcus Dixon" and "rape."

While I have absolutely no sympathy for real criminals, especially child molesters, I have to wonder how many other folks have been falsely accused of crimes -- and beaten or lynched by mobs or executed by governments -- for things they did not do.

I also wonder if the attack on me was deliberately scheduled to coincide with the one-year anniversary of the death of the most famous alleged pedophile who was also named Michael.

My accuser Caroline Harris is probably a fraud

(Left-click to enlarge images.)

SheWrites.com is a community and a workplace for women who write, with over 8,900 active members from all fifty states and more than thirty countries. I am one of its few male members. I joined because I am a feminist, I support women writers, and like communicating with smart people.

New member "Caroline Harris" is using the women writers' website to spread lies about me. "She" says that I "groom" children online. I'm not sure what that means, but I hereby confess that since he was about one year old, I have bathed my NAKED MALE dog. He has even seen me naked, too.

It's interesting that "Caroline" joined the group just when the other attacks on me were launched.

It's likely that "her" picture is a stock photo and "her" name and other information provided are phony. "Caroline" is probably a man, and not an author, and should not be allowed to use SheWrites against me.

The Facebook petition "she" mentions was deleted from Facebook yesterday because of complaints.

Some of the false accusations

Information for parents and mothers in the Milford, Connecticut area about the secret life BULLSHIT of Michael Marcus, a registered sex offender BULLSHIT and pedophile BULLSHIT who has served 4 years in prison BULLSHIT for sexually abusing young boys. BULLSHIT

Michael N Marcus is a dangerous BULLSHIT convicted BULLSHIT pedophile BULLSHIT and child molester BULLSHIT who raped BULLSHIT a young boy BULLSHIT in California BULLSHIT. A devious BULLSHIT liar BULLSHIT and scumbag DEPENDS HOW YOU DEFINE SCUMBAG. MY WIFE, MOTHER AND DOG LIKE ME, he is on the Child Sex Offenders Registry BULLSHIT but moved to Connecticut to start a new life. TRUE, BUT IT WAS WHEN I WAS SIX YEARS OLD, IN 1952,  SHORTLY AFTER THE PILGRIMS ARRIVED IN MASSACHUSETTS TO START NEW LIVES

Although he has served prison time BULLSHIT for luring and raping BULLSHIT a young boy in California, BULLSHIT Marcus is unfortunately BULLSHIT not on the sex offenders registry in Connecticut OF COURSE NOT. Since 1986 (before his 1st and 2nd sex offence) BULLSHIT, AND WRONG SPELLING FOR THE USA convictions BULLSHIT Marcus has run a sleazy ACTUALLY, SEVERAL THOUSAND CUSTOMERS THINK WE'RE JUST FINE phones website business, AbleComm, Inc, which is marketed as a "Family Owned Business" TRUE.

In 2008, Pedophile BULLSHIT Michael N Marcus worryingly WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? self-published a sick BULLSHIT book involving children BULLSHIT, under bogus BULLSHIT publisher  "Silver Sands Books" with the sleazy BULLSHIT tag line "DIRTY PARTS EASY TO FIND". FUNNY, BUT NOT SLEAZY  (Note the half-naked images of children on the homepage of his website) THEY WERE IN BATHING SUITS, STANDING IN A SWIMMING POOL.

Michael Marcus's Amazon review boasts BULLSHIT about "stories from school and real life" and sexual relations with an under-age minor who was a "15 year old girlfriend" at the time. TRUE, BUT SHE SAID SHE WAS 19 AND I WAS 20.

PAST BOGUS ALIASES BULLSHIT OF PEDOPHILE BULLSHIT MICHAEL N MARCUS

1. Marty Harris (used between 1994-96) BULLSHIT

2. Travis Smith (used in late 1980s) BULLSHIT

3. Clint Benson (uses on child pornographic/XXX websites) BULLSHIT

Posted by PROTECT OUR CHILDREN BULLSHIT at 12:05


As part of the ongoing war on pedophiles across America, and following recent cases regarding the resettling of registered sex offenders as part of California's wider, Megan's Law procedures, we've finally managed to track down convicted pedophile BULLSHIT and child molester BULLSHIT, Michael N Marcus who is now living in the Milford Area of Connecticut.

Michael N Marcus is a dangerous BULLSHIT and sleazy pedophile BULLSHIT, who should NOT be allowed around schools or children BULLSHIT. We can reveal Mr Milford WHO??? has recently been questioned by Connecticut police BULLSHIT for downloading pornographic images of children from his computer, BULLSHIT but the charges were dropped on a technicality. BULLSHIT

Pedophile Michael N Marcus is known to keep a profile on a popular Women's Social Network, Shewrites.com, where he can contact mothers and women with young children. AND WOMEN WITH NO CHILDREN, AND EVEN SOME MEN.

If Michael N Marcus has already made contact with your child, you NEED to contact the authorities immediately BULLSHIT. Michael N Marcus is an extremely dangerous BULLSHIT pedophile BULLSHIT  and holds rape BULLSHIT and serious sexual offence BULLSHIT, AND WRONG SPELLING FOR THE USA convictions on young children. BULLSHIT

View Pedophile's  profile on women's social network SHEWRITES.COM.

Pedophile BULLSHIT Michael N Marcus is a dangerous BULLSHIT and evil pedophile BULLSHIT who has serious convictions BULLSHIT for pedophilia BULLSHIT and crimes against children BULLSHIT in California. Now he's moved to Milford, CT and is NOT OF COURSE NOT on the CT sex offences WRONG SPELLING FOR THE USA register.

Michael N Marcus is a Registered Child Molester, BULLSHIT Sex Offender BULLSHIT and Pedophile BULLSHIT. He is currently living in the Milford Area of Connecticut, with schools and kindergardens within a 50 mile radius of his house. SO WHAT? ACTUALLY, SOME ARE WITHIN A FIVE MILE RADIUS.

She thinks I'm a pedophile

This woman is supposed to be Alice Clark. She supported a Facebook petition that accused me of being a pedophile. Her Facebook page shows absolutely nothing about her. She apparently has no life, but wants to ruin mine.

Even a good website can carry lies

Now Yahoo is working against me.

This morning I discovered MyBlogLog.com, "a Yahoo Service" that aggregates and disseminates material from various blogs. This valuable service -- from a company I generally respect and spend a lot of money with -- helps even insignificant and dishonest blogs get more exposure than they deserve or would otherwise receive.

Someone identified as "Harold.Bishop.80" posted links to the fraudulent blog.

Now I'm getting really pissed off. By tomorrow, the bullshit could be on a hundred websites.

On Facebook, even relatives can be friends.But enemies can contact your friends.

The internet in general, and Facebook in particular, are wonderful tools for communicating. They make it easy and free to debate important issues and trivia, announce good news, commiserate about bad news, and spread lies and hurt people.

The smart-and-evil asshole who attacked me set up a blog on Friday with multiple phony claims about my alleged criminal activities, with a picture of me, a picture of my house, my address, fax number, business name and other real and fabricated details of my life.

Also on Friday, he set up a petition page on Change.org, to gather signatures calling for me to be put on the "Connecticut Sex Offences Register." He got that name wrong, used the name of a phony organization to sponsor the petition, and as of today has signatures from just two people. It's entirely possible that "Jordan Rosenthal" and "Georgina Francis" are not real people, but exist only in the mind of the man who has been diagnosed as a paranoid psycopath.

He also set up a "petition page" on Facebook, to gather support to have me put on the pervert list. By yesterday afternoon about a dozen people (possibly real, possibly fake) had signed up. The defenders of morality and the young and innocent expressed appropriate fear and loathing, and wanted to see my head on a pike, or below the chopping platform of a guillotine.

Fortunately, after complaints, Facebook deleted the petition page.

• If the people on the page are real, I offer them an ancient middle-eastern curse, "May the fleas of a thousand syphilitic camels infest the crotch of your first-born son."
• And, a curse from eastern Europe, "May all of your teeth fall out, except one; and that tooth should give you a toothache."

After the blog and the petitions were in place, on Saturday morning the perpetrator started sending messages to my Facebook friends. I'm not quite as popular as Barack Obama or Lindsay Lohan, but nearly 90 people are willing to be identified as my friends. The messages were signed by various aliases, including "Kevin Phillips," "Larry Carlson," "Mike Joseph," "Chad Betz" and my favorite, "Jonah Ark."

Some FB friends are people I know since first grade, back in 1951. Some of them I have not seen since we graduated from high school in 1964. Some are people I "know" only online. Some I don't know, but if they want to be my friends, I can be friendly, too. Some of my FB friends are actually my relatives.

By mid-morning Saturday I started getting phone calls and emails from concerned, confused and comforting friends.

A few -- who know of my penchant for April Foolery and other creative but harmless spoofs -- thought that I had planted the fakes. As someone who prides himself on superb bullshitting, I will admit that the work was fairly well done -- but not as well done as I could have done it -- but I am not crazy enough to publicly accuse myself of child rape. I like publicity, but not that kind.

The support and public endorsements I received were widespread, sincere, and extremely welcome. One message even made me weepy. It's good things like this that redeem the web.

I thank all of my friends very, very much. This is a tough time, and I have no idea how long it will last or what the outcome will be. It's good to have you on my side, and on my PC screen.

"Not responsible?" Tell that to the judge when the prosecutor shows a photo of my dead body!

(From the user agreement at Change.org)

Change.org is an online service that enables users to connect to others who care about the same social causes, share ideas about how to best address the issues they care about, and engage with organizations working to advance those causes.

You represent, warrant and agree that no materials of any kind submitted through your account or otherwise posted or shared by you through the Service will violate or infringe upon the rights of any third party, including copyright, trademark, privacy, publicity or other personal or proprietary rights; or contain libelous, defamatory or otherwise unlawful material.

In addition, you agree not to use the Service or the Site to:

upload, post, transmit, share, store or otherwise make available any content that we deem to be harmful, threatening, unlawful, defamatory, infringing, abusive, inflammatory, harassing, vulgar, obscene, fraudulent, invasive of privacy or publicity rights, hateful, or racially, ethnically or otherwise objectionable;

upload, post, transmit, share, store or otherwise make available content that would constitute, encourage or provide instructions for a criminal offense, violate the rights of any party, or that would otherwise create liability or violate any local, state, national or international law;

The Company is not responsible or liable in any manner for any User Content or Third Party Content posted on the Site or in connection with the Service, whether posted or caused by Users of the Site or by any of the equipment or programming associated with or utilized in the Site or the Service. Although we provide rules for User conduct and postings, we do not control and are not responsible for what Users post on the Site and are not responsible for any offensive, inappropriate, obscene, unlawful or otherwise objectionable content you may encounter on the Site or in connection with any User Content or Third Party Content. The Company is not responsible for the conduct, whether online or offline, of any User of the Site or Service.

Who do you call when the FBI is closed for the weekend?

My first inclination was to call the FBI for help. The attack on me, after all, seemed to cross state lines. And, as one who still has faith in our Federal Government, and who remembers Eliot Ness and "The Untouchables" from 50 years ago,  I wanted the guys who busted Al Capone working for me. (So what if Scarface Al was convicted only for tax evasion. He did go to jail.)

The FBI's website says they "enforce the criminal laws of the United States. We currently have jurisdiction over violations of more than 200 categories of federal law." I wasn't sure exactly which of the hundreds the attack on me would qualify as, but it seems to involve slander, hate crime, cyber-crime, copyright violation, and -- if the perpetrator is who I think he is -- disability insurance fraud.

Alas, the man who answered the phone in the closest FBI field office told me to call back on Monday, and that my "local police department is the first line of protection."

That was more frightening than comforting.

I was seeking investigation, arrest, prosecution, conviction and punishment. When he mentioned "protection," I was scared shitless, with a vision of crazed villagers with torches, pitchforks, shotguns and nooses massing in front of my house. Maybe also a cross-burning on my lawn, a horse head in my bed and evil graffiti on my house, for good measure. I didn't even think about what could be done to our cars or be dumped into the pool. I can be victimized in many ways.

I quickly reached a comforting female voice at the local police department. I was told that an officer would be right over, and that I'd get a phone call when he was nearby so I'd know that one of the good guys, not a crazed villager, was ringing my doorbell.

Officer Billy Simpson (whom the other cops call "Homer," of course) spent about 90 patient and caring minutes in my house. I showed him the web pages that were directed against me, the messages from friends that told me about the problem, and I printed out pages for him to take with him. While he was here, his walkie-talkie announced an alert for a shoplifting suspect -- much more typical local crime than what had hit me.

He asked me if I knew or thought I knew who was behind the cyber-attack.

I told him that there was only one obvious suspect, and he was a very obvious suspect.

This is not the time or place to identify the alleged perpetrator (I love that phrase, but this is the first time I've ever used it when I was not telling a joke or discussing an episode of NYPD Blue or Law & Order).

I'll just say that the suspect is a hate-filled wacko who knows how to use a PC, and has the talent and time for orchestrating elaborate scams.
After a while, Officer Billy and I were joined by Sgt. Patrick Tierney. The sarge was about a generation older than Billy, and seemed more like a detective than a "uni" (uniformed officer) -- as Lenny Briscoe (Jerry Orbach) would have said on Law & Order.

I asked him for his card and he smiled as he took it from his shiny brass card case and held it so that both Billy and I could see it. Billy had no reaction, but I -- closer to Pat's age -- immediately smiled, too.

His card was illustrated with two horses' heads. I doubted that they represented the horse's-head-in-the-bed from  The Godfather. They were more likely an homage to the business card of TV's Paladin, wonderfully portrayed by Richard Boone (a genuine descendant of frontiersman Daniel Boone) from 1957 to 1963. Paladin's card showed the chess piece and the inscription, "Have Gun, Will Travel. Wire Paladin, San Francisco."

(Smutty Miami Beach comedienne Belle Barth told audiences that Paladin's wife was hooking while he was out chasing bad guys. The wife's card, according to Belle, said, "Have crack. Will shack. 'Til the schmuck with the gun gets back.")

I was comforted by this bit of lightness in a day when I felt my life was in jeopardy, and I started singing the theme from the ancient TV show:
"Have gun will travel reads the card of a man.
A knight without armor in a savage land.
Paladin, Paladin, Where do you roam?
Paladin, Paladin, Far, far from home."

I had not heard nor sung those lyrics in nearly half a century, but they came right back to me.

So what if the Feds don't work on Saturday. I had Paladin on my side! It felt good.  I wrote out a statement describing the events and saying I wanted the scumbag arrested. Paladin/Pat said the department had people who could figure out who was behind the web attacks on  me. It was time to kick perp ass!

(more to come)

And then the shit hit the fan

Today started out fine. The weather was perfect. I had minimal obligations. I was supposed to vacuum the algae from the bottom of the pool, spray some weed killer, go to the Post Office, continue editing a book, and  help my wife pick out a microwave oven. I also wanted to spend a few hours hanging around the house with my dog while listening to the funny programs on NPR, just like any other Saturday.

And then I got a phone call from an old friend.

She had gotten a Facebook message from "Kevin Phillips" saying that I am a convicted (word deleted to avoid being picked up by search engines), providing a link to a blog that went live yesterday.

I won't give you the link, but part of the first page is up above. "Silver Sands Books" is the name of a small publishing company I own.

I'm known for very realistic pranks, spoofs and April Fooling, and my friend first thought that this was one of my own gags -- and then she realized it wasn't. There is no way I would accuse myself of the crimes mentioned in the sick blog.

And then I started getting emails and phone calls from other people.

Apparently the vindictive asshole who is responsible for the blog, notified many or all of my Facebook friends of my alleged criminally perverted past, using a variety of aliases. My favorite is "Jonah Ark.".

"Jonah" also posted a petition on a Criminal Justice website seeking to get me put on the "Connecticut Sex Offences Register."  A more careful asshole would have written "Connecticut Sex Offenders Registry."

And he also started a petition on Facebook, which quickly attracted a collection of likeminded crackpots who believed every morsel of bullshit that Jonah served up. The bloodthirsty defenders of morality wanted me drawn, quartered, keelhauled, burned at the stake, and dispatched to the lowest level of hell.

After multiple complaints, this page was removed by Facebook. It is possible that all of the crackpots were fake alter-egos of the instigator. I hope that Facebook will investigate.

I called the local cops and the FBI, and I'll have more to say tomorrow.